Conant Correct by Claire Conant

How many times have you asked for a critique when all you really wanted was a compliment? I know I’m guilty of that from time to time. I remember early in my career asking for feedback on something I’d written and then was completely insulted when the response was not in alignment with what I’d been thinking. I learned that what I really was looking for was validation of my ideas, not a differing point of view. I also took it personally when someone red-lined my copy with changes. I’ve long since given up wearing my feelings on my shoulder when it comes to my writing and editing. Writing and editing, for me, is what I do, not who I am. 

Recently I received a general invitation to critique a web site that someone had recently launched. I’ve done lots of web site critiques before, written copy for high-profile web sites, and even designed and managed a few back in the day of straight HTML. I also spend an inordinate amount of time surfing the web looking at good and bad web sites, what’s popular, and what’s not.

One of my favorite sites is that of Men With Pens who regularly do "Drive-by Shootings" , which are web site critiques. People sign up weeks in advance for their feedback and input. I have yet to read one of their critiques that I don’t agree with. Almost always, they are spot on. I often wonder what responses they get from each of the willing participants? Do they accept the feedback? Do they incorporate the changes? Or do the owners argue with them as to why the site is perfect the way it is?

Today, after looking at the site in question, I felt I could offer up some helpful  feedback to the owner. Understanding that this site was their "baby" and they had spent a lot of time on it, I submitted my feedback in positive terms, showing appreciation for parts done well, but then calling out areas that clearly distracted the reader from the content - what the person was selling - and ways in which the web site owner was inadvertently sending people away from their site.

The response I received was essentially, I like it this way and since I like it, it must be good, and since I understand each graphic, I’m sure everyone else will too. Each point where I suggested a change was justified from their point of view and why it worked for them. Sure, it works for the web site owner, and they like it, but will the reader?

It’s always hard to discern how feedback will be received and it’s extremely frustrating when people ask for your honest opinion and then, no matter how tactfully you give it, they argue with you about it. Essentially, they really didn’t want to know what you thought, they just wanted props for what they thought was sheer brilliance.

Moral of the story: If you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question.